Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
