So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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