Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
