We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
