just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
