She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
