Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
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Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
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Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.