I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
