i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
