I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
