just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
she peed on how many people?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
