does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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