but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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