By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
