My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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