The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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