I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
