we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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