she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
