I got chris browned last night
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just gargled with NyQuil
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
