you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
