I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
