dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
