I wish my penis had an off switch
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
