dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
