yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
