The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
