Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
