...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
