took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
