she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Welp...herpes.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
