yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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