well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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