So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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