I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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