my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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