my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Are we still banned from the library?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
