Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
