tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
