Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You're earring is so big in my mouth
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
