I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
