would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
