the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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