you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
