I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
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He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
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Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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