I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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