Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
