I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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