plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
