Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
