I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Found your dick twin last night
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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