I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
