he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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