Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
