My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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