Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
