I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
