Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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