two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
