the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
