So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
