Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
