so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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