planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
