Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
