I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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