that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
