I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
