so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
