She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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