She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
