I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
