I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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