I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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