I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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