There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
so let's talk penis.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
dude. I can hear the air.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
