And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
